My mind has been very ‘busy’ this week. I try to always be productive but however much I do it never feels like enough. I think it comes from a feeling of guilt. I’m guilty for being unemployed, so I feel like I need to overcompensate to prove I’m not lazy. Added to that, I’m scatterbrained, so I jump from one thing to another, no matter how well I try to schedule my time.
I want to do everything, all at once. Each day there’s exercise, mindfulness, my mental health workbook, writing and housework. Which should all be perfectly do-able but I don’t always manage it! And that’s leaving out all of the books I want to read, and the podcasts to listen to. I know, I know, I should cut myself some slack, particularly as I’m also managing a physical health condition. (I have Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder, which causes lovely stuff like fatigue, joint pain, IBS and a racing heart). I’m not always good at following my own advice though, as I talked about in my post: https://anxietyanswered.com/2020/09/09/why-is-it-so-hard-to-follow-your-own-advice/
I haven’t even mentioned leaving the house or socialising with other humans. I’d like to get out more, as being at home on my own gets old after a while. But if I do go out it means less time for all of the things, not to mention difficulties caused by my old buddy social anxiety disorder . All of this uses up energy, which I don’t have a lot of – particularly if I’m also struggling to sleep. I’ll go out for a walk and feel more cheerful, but later I find myself nodding off at my desk. (Which reminds me, I need to modify my diet as I eat too many carbs – not good for energy levels!)
As you can tell I go round in circles with this, but I think it’s quite common, as we’re all juggling different aspects of our lives.
I might let myself off completing my ‘list’ tomorrow, I think I need to just be.