Diary of an Anxious Mind

I started my blog to try and offer some advice and positivity. When I feel low and I’m struggling with my anxiety, I haven’t always written about it because I thought it wouldn’t be helpful. But today I saw a post on Instagram talking about ‘toxic positivity.’ When someone is asking for help and are told “just think positive,” it’s no use as it just invalidates how they are feeling. Sometimes you need to feel low to really appreciate the good times.

It spurred me on to start a series of diary-style blog posts about the realities of living with an anxiety disorder, and if it’s not always positive, then that’s okay, because life isn’t always positive. Sometimes it’s helpful to know that you’re not the only one having these experiences.

Rainy days

I woke up today and it was raining, just like yesterday and the day before that. Even now seven hours later, you guessed it, still raining. I feel like the water has seeped into my brain and is weighing it down.

I’ve been at home for three months now and have only gone out a handful of times for a walk. I’m living with a family member that is at a very high risk of complications if they catch Covid-19, so we’re doing our best not to take any chances. I like to keep busy, so it wasn’t too much of a big deal at first, but after month or two I started to feel restless. I was doing the weeding on the drive one sunny afternoon and felt like casting my trowel aside and running off down the road, but I managed to restrain myself!

Now almost three months in and I’m itching to get back out there and move forward with my recovery. I’ve been alone for such a long time and it seems odd, but I haven’t always even felt lonely; I do now. It’s all well and good being an introvert and enjoying your own company, but sometimes you need support. You need someone to care. I have a fabulous friend that I know I can count on, but she’s my only friend. I haven’t had anyone else texting me to ask if I’m OK.

I will always enjoy having my own space, but a major priority for me needs to be connecting with other people. As with anything I guess I need to start out small. It’d be nice if this virus could do one, as well.

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